During a red-faced news briefing, Michael Griffin, NASA’s newest Administrator confirmed that astronauts doing spring cleaning on the International Space Station have found a stash of pornography.

“Yes,” said, “it’s true. We believe it was left there by Vittori.” Roberto Vittori was the last Italian to visit the ISS. He visited from April 25 – May 5 2002 and is scheduled to return in 2005. It is suspected that Vittori had planned to sneak the porn out of the ISS when he left but was unable to due to a change in personnel agendas.

“There is usually a 10 – 15 minute window that we give every astronaut prior to their departure. This is a ‘no questions asked’ period where the astronaut can do whatever he or she wants without being questioned by other astronauts or NASA personnel. It is usually during this time that astronauts will move their secret stashes of porn and sex toys from the ISS into the returning vehicle.”

It is believed that Vittori was caught off-guard by a sudden change in plans that placed a female astronaut near his stash during his 15 minutes of ‘no questions asked’.

“Italians are usually up-front with that type of thing,” says researcher Alan Williams. “I would think he’d have pictures of naked ladies all over his bunk. However, this Vittori character seems to be a bit shy.”

Vittori’s stash of porn, consisting of hundreds of magazines, tapes, and sexual aids, was found in a storage compartment near his living quarters. It has not been determined at this time if the material will be tossed overboard, returned to NASA headquarters, or left for Vittori to collect when he returns in April, 2005 to take Expedition 11 crew members to replace Expedition 10 crew members.

“It’s some pretty hot stuff,” Commander Leroy Chiao said. “I would want this stuff back if I was him. You know, a young stud like him needs to keep the juices flowing, if you know what I mean.”

–Staff Reporter — bs